A post about a “fat” woman accused of “breaking” her sister’s sofa after she sat on it has sparked a debate on Reddit.
In a post shared on Reddit’s Am I The A****** (AITA) sub-forum, user Doritos_locos_tacos2 said they and their boyfriend hosted “D&D” (dinner and drinks) at their house. for their sister, who weighs 375 pounds. , according to the poster and brother-in-law after upgrading their apartment.
The poster read: “My sister couldn’t fit in any of our chairs so she sat on our couch. Initially we had no problem with this until we noticed that our sofa started to dip in the middle, and the bar that held the futon together underneath started to bend.”
The user and her boyfriend bought the sister a $100 chair designed for her weight. When the couple presented the chair to the sister at their next meeting, she reportedly “got angry”, accusing the couple of “treating her fat”.
With the sister “screaming in one ear” and the brother-in-law “talking in the other”, the user said they “lost it” and told the sister she chooses “to stay one big bitch…”
John Sovec, licensed marriage and family therapist, said Newsweek the “bigger chair” might have been “a subtle dig” that later led to a “grossophobic” outburst at the sister.
A November 2020 study published in the peer-reviewed journal Social psychology and personality scienceswho examined the impact of body size on our perceptions of different people, found that while “moderately thin” people are seen as “more competent”, “moderately heavy” people are seen as “warmer”.
Study results showed that these effects occur because a lean body signals “self-control – an instrumental construct for drawing inferences of competence” and a heavy body signals “emotional expressiveness – a construct that triggers heat inferences”.
The user in the latest Reddit post said “We’re not rich so we had to dip into our savings” to pay for the sister’s chair.
Leaving “a very violent home” at 17 after graduating from high school, the poster read: “We were working minimum wage, working over 60 hours a week, so my [boyfriend] and I could afford to pay rent.”
They were able to start upgrading their apartment after saving money for two years and the couch they have was given to them by the office in the building they live in.
The poster said they tried to calm the sister down, but it “just made her scream more”.
The user later told the sister, “You’re absolutely right! Your fat asshole is breaking our couch. You can lose weight easily but choose to remain a fat slob. This is a problem you can literally run away, but you chose to be fat and collect taxpayer money to stay home and eat more and gain more weight.Until you lose weight below 250 pounds, you’re not no longer allowed to stay on our couch.
The poster acknowledged that their behavior “was a bit over the top”, adding “I should have more control over my feelings”. The user admitted he “felt bad” for what he said, but “felt good to finally say it”.
According to the brother-in-law, the “bullying” of the poster caused the sister “a nervous breakdown”. He said the poster should apologize, but the user told him, “I’ll apologize when she apologizes for bending our couch.”
“Total fatphobia”
Sovec, who is based in California, said it’s possible the “biggest chair” purchased for the sister in the latest Reddit post was “a disguised bias or subtle dig at the sister, who then transgressed in full grossophobia with the explosion of anger.”
He said this type of rage can be triggered by “a feeling of defensiveness and fear that blames the heavier person.”
Sovec noted, “We live in a world that constantly sends us messages that we’re not good enough, not beautiful enough, not fit enough” and “even more dangerously invasive – that we’re not skinny enough”.
He explained that being overweight is “very stigmatized in Western culture” and that when we meet someone who is heavier, “our intrinsic biases can come to the fore”.
Sovec said these biases can “manifest in angry or frustrated comments that the overweight person is lazy, filthy, unintelligent, unhealthy and fails to take charge and control their body size.” .
He said no marginalized person would respond well to “oppressive language” and would view this type of “attack” as “deeply personal”.
He added that the best approach is one of “compassion, caring and communication”, inviting change in the relationship and “in affirming the size of the bodies involved in this relationship”.
“Brutal but she deserved it”
Several Reddit users sided with the original poster, while some said the poster’s words were “exaggerated” and unnecessary.
In a comment that got 14,700 upvotes, user firetothetrees said the original poster was “NTA [not the a******]”, stating “you tried to be accommodating and she [the sister] I basically threw that in your face…I think your comments were brutal but she deserved it.”
User sensifacient532 said, “Definitely NTA. I think it was very nice of the OP to go out of their way to provide a comfortable option for their sister.”
Number_Insect_2600 wrote: “I think having the chair was pretty thoughtful and they didn’t try to make her feel bad about being taller…I understand why OP [original poster] broken. When you think you’ve done something considerate and you have two people totally freaking out, it’s hard not to come to that.”
But user phemailleprohblemm said: “I agree it was very thoughtful of OP to buy the sister a chair… but it’s not just going crazy for someone one who doesn’t appreciate your efforts and thoughtfulness… anger went from understandable to on the up, wanting to hurt someone… OP is not a ****** but the words were A ******.”
In a comment that received 10,300 upvotes, user CheeseAndPasta97 wrote: “You were NTA until you exploded. There was no need to scream about ‘taxpayers money’ and treat her big bitch…”
User aintshit23 said: “…there are much better ways to handle the situation. OP said it felt good to say those hurtful things which is LITERALLY an AH [a******] move.”
Newsweek contacted the original poster for comment via the Reddit messaging system.
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